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Thursday, October 01, 2009
Coincidences?If there is something my life has always tried to teach me is patience... If it wasn't for lack of money...would I be done with my degree? Will I appreciate it for what it is worth once I do attain it...Oh, I plan to finish...even if it takes me a life time...or if it kills me (speaking extremes here people, no one dies from reading too many textbooks  ). If I had not shun away from men in my youth...would I be a loose woman with no scrupule and no sense of what love really means? Would my husband have turned away, or tried to pierce through the shell to peek in my heart...is there such a thing as a truly bad woman...or a truly bad person?... Had I not gathered the courage (and, really, patience) to speak with my father...where would he be now? Perhaps now that his "babies" have grown wings and left...perhaps now he realizes how silly it was to pine for a boy of his own...You can't try to undo what has been done...nor try to make up for lost times...especially now that we have taken up our own lives... Accepting pasts is hard...I have regreted things in the past--no more...you acknowledge, observe, and move on...inhale and exhale...discern and chose...to dwell or to learn...or to repeat again... Life is the most wonderful thing I have in the world...and what makes it so much greater is having a husband to share it with and who I can share my world and who will always offer his arm when I trip or fall. Thanks hubby!  P.S. Went to Mambo Cafe with a couple of friends...will post pics & vids sometime in the near future...off to a run on a wonderful, cool, windy, and cloudy day! |
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Friday, August 14, 2009
PesadillasIt's been years since I remember dreaming on most nights...for the past 3 years or so all I can recall about the previous night of waking up in a cold, dry sweat is some freakishly bizarre nightmare...particularly when I'm sick or overly stressed. Usually about a baby, whether it is supposed to be my progeny or not, said subject is in some kind of trouble and I go out of my way to help. I never dream enough to know if I truly succeed. Last night was one of those...why babies? Gah! Anzhela is leaving the Pharmacy. As "cold" as she was, she was the most honest. I'm going to miss her. I want to do something nice for her although I think that I shouldn't make it a group thing...I know she hates those fake goodbye parties we tend to throw. Any suggestions? Mom and Sissikins (yeah, you hurrrd meh!) are in Veracruz, living the life, fuggetin' bout theis' troubles and grammar like me. I'm tempted to visit Dad but then again I don't think I want to depress myself by hearing about this money bullshit. I definitely should call him though...I think I can manage that much. I really hope my mom is enjoying her vacation and that my sister gets to use her scuba killer-bee skillzzz (lmao, I just pictured that little peanut sprinkled monkey in a bee suit!!!!). She better not come a'knockin' on meh door without muh stuffed manatie! I want a picture of the Malecon with the ocean...I'm going to hang it where the windows are . It's been 13 years and I can't get used to this "life." Getting older is not making it any easier...but I told myself "if you want to be limber at 70+, yo' bettah get yo' butt in gear." I've been doing some serious "go time" with my yoga practice...2x a week--no less! Speaking of training I went to Kickboxing on Wed. Fabufreakingfragelisticespialidociotastic! Mike was the killer instructor...called me a smart ass and paired me up with a guy hahaha! To be honest, I felt bad for the guy...I know how that ego must have plummeted...it was meant to be flattery for me I suppose. (Remember fellow readers, I actually "vent" during my workouts--I really go all out.) At the end Mike asked me how class was and as it always is when he teaches: Awesome! DKO! (Hehee, I miss street fighter yo!)... |
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Mental spewage! - It's not that I don't know what I want in life that draws me to practicing multiple things in several different disciplines. I just want to get as much from life as possible! I want to get my money's worth! You know life isn't cheap even though your body is only worth about $200 on raw materials...So, like an old beat-up car, would you make more revenew selling your body by parts? Discuss. I can think of sex change candidates willing to pay more than their arm and leg for someone else's erm..."emergency leg."
- Victoria's Secret: It's not a secret if everyone shops there. Let's be more honest! How about Victoria's Closet? Would it lose customers from lack of a "misteriously sexy" name? How about Victoria's Cleavage then? Discuss.
- No husbands, just because we married you doesn't mean the competition stops for other men (I was hit on twice just going out for coffee, wtf? stupid hormones)...it doesn't mean we will leave you but, don't claim victory and then slack off! (Women, this means we shouldn't slack off ourselves! It's only fair!) A happy wife means a healthy husband (that's not my saying). How can we do this? Discuss.
- You know that particular fart that gets somewhat stuck on it's way to freedom...do you have a preference for hiking up the left or right buttcheek? I'm a sinister so I thought maybe mine was left...but you also sit on the left side of the car and you NEVER want the smell to veer towards the inside!!...what about the European countries? Would they prefer to vent (teehee) towards the right side of the vehicle? Discuss.
I thought I had a bit more in the back of the mind caked up in the walls of my cranium...anyway, there are some battles that carry on for years and years on end: 
Notice I have more surface to pinch...(yes, it's been a battle my sister has not won...but she's so cute!!!) I'm trying to think of a way to excuse this post...let me know if you come up with something. |
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Saturday, June 27, 2009
Runner's High...
I'm not a runner but I feel as if I'm always in a race... My frustrations grow, my patience diminishes, my spirit collapses and I start to tap my feet more and more... There's a desperation I feel when I lack to achieve a goal in a timely fashion. To add to the chips on the shoulder (correct me if I'm not using the expression as it is intended), I've started to really push my feelings aside. I should think, "maybe this is not the time." Then again, I think I am not getting any younger, and things are not getting any easier. Nowadays I think "What's next on my list? I'll come back to reflect on it later." Later has not really been convenient as of late. I think my race has to deal with the way I cope with myself...I would say life...but most of my worries come from that perfectionist residing in my mind, the one at constant battle with what I feel or what it thinks I shouldn't feel and shouldn't waste time on. I haven't played tennis, haven't danced, haven't worked out, have not drawn, have not gone kick boxing...I haven't vented. I have not veered my negativity towards anything rewarding or useful. I have only been working on keeping up with the worldly deadlines that seem to reach my neck everyday. By the time I have survived the mundane tasks, I start to feel much too tired to work on myself. My back pain is recurring, just reminding me how much yogic therapy I need and have neglected to place upon myself. There was a pranayama session scheduled for today in Houston for $50...I was so tempted to go. I decided to save the dissappointment knowing that my husband would think it silly since we were there just two days ago. A waste of money. There are times that I feel silly trying to satiate that craving right then and there...I told myself to have patience and hope that my reliquary is strong enough to contain all until I have the time to pay attention to myself. One of my previous supervisors once told me that you can't take care of everyone else if you are sick yourself. He may be right...but time is all I am really praying, hoping, pining for. Money is another one of those issues...it seems there's no such thing as free therapy and one of the hardest things to achieve freely seems to be an optimistic state of mind. There's something to be known about the guy winning the races wearing no shoes. I guess I better start training. |
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Thursday, June 18, 2009
U.G.L.Y. you ain't got no alibi....Title "like totally" irrelevant to this dusty post...
I just recently checked out Xanga (again) and realized how much it has changed....great...now I got more codes to memorize and no time to tinker with the CSS's. I can't have as much fun with the themes as I can making a skin so it will stay the way it is until I can find a better molting process. Speaking of retrogression, I've started to read more books and focus on other media less and less--whether that's a good thing or not I do not know since I seem to only be selectively reading the things I am truly interested in and not so much those required by my major's curriculum. I do find myself with more time to do the things I like to do (like kickboxing and belly dancing....had not heard about that had you?) and to spend more time with my family. My now husband and I have been married on paper less than a month, but in our hearts we married quite early. He is my family now and I am his. There's a long post about that to be written up when mentally capable. Growing up I was only close to my sister, and, we started to be totally different people with different thoughts and more so different priorities. It is still a scary thought to think of myself as married when all of my life I thought I was surely going to find me a cave where I could make vegetable stew and argue with the raccoons and rats devoid of any other individual there. I do appreciate my husband for being with me. I've been on the graveyard shift for a second week now. The nurses are definitely nicer, maybe because there's not so much running around (so far). It's better pay and I was hoping to be able to make more time for Amer...it has been somewhat challenging...I am tempted to make it a permanent change...4 days off in a row is super tempting. I could take up salsa lessons in dallas with every weekend off! It would also mean that I don't get to spend as much time with my husband....but it's only ephemeral....we won't be here forever. Lately it's been really hard to deal with myself...as if I can't even know what to feel. I just need to take it a moment at a time and enjoy what life has given to undeserving me so far.
_The Monkey Tech. I had to: Are you a potato Created by hahalol1234 10 other people got this result! That's 29% Yes,unfortunately you are a potato. holy crap! a potato learned how to use the computer! |
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